I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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