I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the liver wants what the liver wants
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
