I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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