Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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