Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
