so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
