i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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