i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
