dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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