Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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