just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
