please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
