i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
