Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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