you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
