Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
