not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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