No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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