he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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