Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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