Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
