bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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