I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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