just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
