there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
