I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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