He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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