I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
