So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize