omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
