he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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