You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
