This girl is more easily done than said...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize