i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
