I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
