Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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