hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
