my mouth tastes like poor choices
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
