I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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