I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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