New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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