Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
