Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
