As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
