Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
