Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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