theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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