How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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