He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
