Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
