I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize