You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
