i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
