Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
