Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
