Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Let's paint friendship bongs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My bed smells like the plague
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
