I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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