You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
