I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
