bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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