I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize