Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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