idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
