He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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