so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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