I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
