I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize